The last three days, I have spent more time asleep than awake. It is a condition of my disease and something that I really can’t help. Even now, I am so sleepy that I am not sure whether or not I will finish my thoughts.
I have found that, when you sleep a great many hours clumped together like that, it takes a while to realize what is real and what is not when you awake. I am confused about reality, I am confused about what I have and have not done, and I am anxious because I fear that something important has gone undone because I was asleep.
I am sure my body needs the rest because the disease is so fatiguing. The pain that I feel with every movement is exhausting. However, I still feel guilty when I realize that 72 hours has gone by and I slept through most of it.
It starts with a tired feeling that quickly grows to sleepiness. Then my eyelids get harder and harder to keep open. After a bit, I allow myself to close them for just a minute and suddenly I feel like I am being pulled deep down inside myself. From there, it is a battle of wills until finally I can fight no more. The next thing I know it is hours later. I get up for just a bit, and the whole thing starts all over again…