For those of you who have never experienced Chronic Lyme disease, either personally or through someone close to you, it is something that can effect every part of your life. Lyme and its co-infections infiltrate the systems of the body if not caught early. Once the bacteria has a chance to spread from the bloodstream to the nerves, joints, muscles, heart, etc, it is very hard to stop. Some of the effects become permanent.
Pain is ever present. Headaches, joint pain, muscle pain, general-overall pain… some days, it is painful for someone to lightly touch me. My hands hurt all the time… some days worse than others. I awake in pain every day.
My fatigue is so great sometimes that I can not stay awake. I sleep at least 12 hours a day most days. Trying to get dressed, or get anything at all done, just wears me out.
What is worse though is the occasional panic (anxiety) attack. They are very hard to define. Believe me, I have tried to explain it to my mom. For each piece I described of how it feels, she desperately tried to the feeling into a rational “box,” but it just can’t be defined in such a way.
It doesn’t always feel exactly the same, but it always makes me feel very anxious. Sometimes it is like I am trying to jump out of my skin or like there is an electrical current running through me. Sometimes, I get the feeling like I am being pinned down and I can’t move. All of these descriptions are part of what makes these attacks so difficult. It feels so awful…